I thought I would share a really vulnerable story with you about something that happened last night. In the scheme of things it’s hardly earth shattering but it broke my heart.
Lately Miss V has been having a tough time. You know the kind – heaps of meltdowns in the late afternoons/evenings (uncharacteristic for her), arguing about everything, outright ignoring my instructions, resistant to bedtimes etc. When she is in this state, like most children, it’s not about the actual behaviours, they’re simply the tip of the iceberg – these are just symptoms of a bigger root issue, which for her is anxiety. Anyway, this sets the scene for last night…
Last night Miss V was in fine form, the night was moving into ‘late’ territory and this mama was getting tired – all recipes for the Perfect Storm. Cutting to the chase, Miss V escalated and nearly pulled her door of it’s tracks and I raised my voice and yelled at her. This is the first time I have ever full on lost it at her and yelled at her and I’ll never forget her face. She was terrified and heartbroken. I was heartbroken. Even in my heightened state it cut through. I knew I had scared her.
The story ends ‘well’ with me calming down, then her calming down. We laid in her bed together and I apologised a million times. I made sure to say what I did wrong (lost my temper and yelled at her), that I’m truly sorry and what I would be doing in the future to help prevent this from happening again. I also made sure to reiterate to her that it’s not her fault and it’s not her job to try and fix me or ‘make me happy again’ (she has a huge fawn response and is a bit of a people pleaser), that it’s all on me and it’s up to me to change this and do better. She’s perfect as she is. She fell asleep and I went off to my bed and reflected upon the night’s events.
Can you relate to this? Do you resort to yelling because you feel like the kids won’t listen unless you do? This is a common trap that a lot of mums fall into. Yes, it’s normal to lose it sometimes just like I did. Your child’s life won’t end and it’s a great opportunity to repair that rupture of the relationship and be a real life role model of how to handle regrettable situations. We are human after-all. It’s unrealistic for us to never slip up – impossible in fact. But there’s a big difference from the occasional raised voice versus using a raised voice as your everyday go to. Not only is it scary for the children but it actually won’t work long term for heaps of reasons.
If this is something you want to ditch and replace with new, more aligned, calmer, connected strategies than join Parenting 101. I go through heaps of strategies that you can start to implement right away that actually WORK plus you get group coaching with me by zoom that you can use to have my eyes on any issues you might be having so we can tailor strategies specifically for YOU.
Enrolments are open for May only and places are limited. Be sure to secure your place asap! Head here to learn more or to enrol! If you have any questions or need an NDIS specific invoice to claim before you enrol just flick me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org